On the Bright Side

I don't know what it is, but the past few days have been rather "blah" days. In an effort to dig myself out of this pitiful hole, I have decided that I will list the many things that I have to be thankful for. Here's hoping it works!

1. I am thankful for the amazing relationship that I have with my husband. Not only is he my "better half", he is my true best friend; the one that knows the real me, not the "show" me.


2. I am thankful for my husband's good health this past year. Excuse me while I go look for some wood to knock on...


3. I am thankful for the amazing friends that I have ~ without them knowing my crazy ways and STILL loving me no matter what, I don't know what I would do.


4. I am thankful for the health that surrounds my family and friends and their loved ones as well.


5. I am thankful for the home that I come home to every night (or hide out in!). It has taken years, but it is slowly coming to be what we envision it to be.


6. I am thankful for my pets ~ they are all unique, that's for sure!


7. I am thankful that Crosby (the over sized pup) continues to make both my hubby and I laugh on a regular basis.


8. I am thankful that I have a blog to pool all of my mixed up thoughts into.


9. I am thankful that I have a good paying job that I enjoy; most of the time!


10. I am thankful that I am surrounded by nice things; material things, yes, but nice things!

Ok, who the hell am I kidding? The more and more things that I try to come up with, the more and more that it becomes obvious. Yes, I have great things in my life, but where is my true happiness? Where is the child?

I am sure that I have mentioned before, I am a Facebook user. Tonight for my status, I have that I "am struggling...". I wrote that because not only was I struggling to come up with something clever as to how I was feeling, but simply because that was/is the way that I am feeling.

That was almost 3 hours ago. Just 5 minutes ago, it hit me; I'm struggling over who I am now. Am I a 30 year old who will never have children? Or am I a 30 year old who will have a child someday? I am also trying to grasp the idea of being the friend who doesn't have children while all of my friends start or have a family of their own. Not necessarily a concept that is far-fetched, but definitely not a concept that I want to deal with right now. I don't think that over time it would be hard to deal with as these people with children envy the time that I do have for myself, but will they forget the hardships that I have endured in the process?

Will these people speak of their envy and forget about my quiet pain? Will they be so selfish?

Hangin' Tough!!

For any one that grew up in my generation you will know what and who I am referring to. Yes, New Kids on the Block!

Myself and 3 of my crazy friends are taking the weekend, heading down to Montreal and yes, going to see them on their "comeback" tour. No, I'm not going because I'm a die hard fan, I was, when I was about 12 years old, but I am going for the sheer relaxation and good times to be had.

What more could 4 women want than renting an SUV, staying in a super sweet hotel, lots of drinks, lots of shopping and seeing NKOTB? Did I mention that these boys were the 1st ever concert that I went to?

HAHA! Don't worry, I will definitely post some pictures for you!

It has recently been brought to my attention that I am being "coddled" . The one thing (ok, there are many things nagging at me about this whole "episode") that is begging to be asked is WHY????!?!?!!!?? Please keep in mind that I have (as of this moment in time), not confronted this person whom feels I need "coddling" and I am fully aware that she does frequent here. But, seriously, why?

Said person has a child, said person I have written about being there for during her pregnancy. Said person apparently hasn't taken into consideration that I was/am there for her. Said person has seemingly forgotten that I was there for her the day she found out she was pregnant; I was there for her during an ultrasound in which her husband couldn't be there with her and last, threw a flippin' shower for her, but most definitely, not least, was there with her as she went for her pre-op stuff the day before her darling son was to be born. And oh, couldn't sit still long enough to go and meet her son ~ yes, I went up to meet him that very day.

The thing (ok, once again, you caught me; there are many things!) that amazes and astounds me is that I heard from a third person (whom happens to me my closest friend) that said friend told her that " she is giving me space; she knows that I am still weird with her having a baby (??)".

Ok....now, the thing that truly amazes and astounds me is that I never asked for space. I was never weird with her having a child. In fact, I was the one that told her that she would be a fantastic mother the night she was nervous about meeting her son and becoming a mother.

I don't think that I should have wrote this out ~ I am finding more reasons to be more disappointed in her and her reasons for her awkwardness.

If awkward is how she is feeling, then I guess she does know how I feel. ALL. THE. TIME.