(Originally posted on Wednesday, June 6, 2007)
Before, during and after losing Peyton, my main and only focus was on Greg and his health. So now, I find myself feeling the true extent of my pain of losing my 2nd daughter to stillbirth. Please bear with me as I get some true feelings out ~
~I may be smiling on the outside, but on the inside I am crying ~ my plastic smile has been perfected after many years of use.
~I am stunned and horrified that this is now my life.
~I am sad, hurt, shocked, and downright angry......
~......yes, the anger that I don't know what to do with or how to deal with.....
~I am dumbfounded by what people talk to me about.
~I cannot stand the fact that I am right back to square one with my grief ~ I was doing so good after losing Quinn.
~I wish that I could describe just how I feel about myself ~ the truth is, it would scare you.
~I am so sick of people's stupid comments ~ yes, Peyton may have been sick, do you not think that I would still love her just the same??! If everything does happen for a reason, why then, did I lose 2 children with no explainable reason? Time heals all wounds......BULLSHIT! The truth is that these comments get people no where....so why bother? It certainly doesn't make me feel any better
~I wish that I couldn't be "that" person just for one day.
~I wish that when I look at any pictures of myself taken before July of 2005 weren't so hard to look at ~ the happy times; when I didn't know what pain lie ahead for me.
Phew, that's better for now...I will return with some more rambling; I have got a ton more where that came from.
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