Death ....shmeath

In a perfect world, death does not scare me; I can say that I don't like it when it happens inside of me, but nonetheless, I am not afraid to die. I have a few friends that I can talk openly and honestly about it and no one gets emotional or scared to talk about it. I do work in a nursing home where it happens, I guess that has also helped my thoughts and feelings towards it change.

My first experience with death was when I was in grade 8(I was 12-ish), my grandfather died. I was sad, but at the same time I knew that he was in a better place than where he was; suffering and fading away before our eyes due to a rare disease. My second experience with death was when I was in high school (I was 16-ish), 2 girls that I had gone to school with had both been struck and killed by a train. This experience shook me to my very core ~ how could that have happened to 2 young girls? And by a train nonetheless? Even today, 12 years later, I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I hear a train whistle blow.

My third experience with death was my other grandfather; now almost 6 years ago. It was quick and he was in a palliative care unit, so I never feared that he was in any pain. Once again, I had no problems walking up to his coffin and putting a harmonica in the tiny little drawer of his casket that was just above his lifeless hands.

Since we all know what my next 2 experiences with death were, I won't go into those details. For those of you who know me in real life, you have already heard of me seeing my girls and for those of you who have been through this, you know the drill ~ unfortunately. These last 2 experiences obviously shook me to my very core ~ but in such a different and much more dramatic way. Since I have never really been afraid to die, knowing that I have 2 girls waiting for me in the after world only makes the idea so much more beautiful.

No, I am not going to kill myself, just in case that is what you are/were thinking; but I guess what I am trying to say is that when it is my time, I now no longer worry about what will happen afterwards, but I embrace the idea of seeing my girls again.