Thursday, October 11, 2007

Land of a 1,000 Why's



This past week has been a poor-pity me week and my head is full of the anguishing and haunting "why's" ~ I HATE the why's; they suck.
This is where this handy dandy little blog comes in ~ time to clear out my head and rid these pesky little thoughts.

  • Why is it that I have to be the horror story to all women who are pregnant and have never had nor considered a loss?
  • Why can't my darling little girls be here with me, safe and warm?
  • Why can't I let go of things?
  • Why am I so damn sensitive?
  • Why do I have to face a possible future without a child?
  • Why won't my husband open up to the thought of adopting?
  • Why am I plagued daily with idiotic thoughts of getting pregnant again?
  • Why do I put on my plastic smile about 90% of the time?
  • Why can't I just tell it like it is? Should I really have to worry about hurting other people's feelings when they haven't considered mine?
  • Why does it seem that it truly does rain when it pours?
  • Why can't I have my naivety back? I miss it.
  • Why can't I be one of those women that accidentally get pregnant and have that perfect fairy tale ending?

I guess I know where this is all going ~ NOWHERE. Looking back at my edited version of my why's, I see that they all do have one answer ~ because I am that person; I have had losses. This is me and I somehow have to find a way to live like this person and adapt.

THIS BITES.

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