The past few days I have felt as though my head is crammed full of thoughts, but at the same time, I can't come up with one thought to write out here.

The one thing that I do know for sure is that I am kind of panicking with the thought of going back to work. Yes, I have been off for almost 7 months and yes, I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things and making some money. But, I am not looking forward to the "looks", the sympathy or the choosing of right words around me. Yes, I am sensitive to what people say, but I do not want people to walk on eggshells around me either. I can and do deal with my sensitivity of things said, but I hate it; absolutely cannot stand it when people feel they need to coddle me.

I'm a big girl; I've done this before, remember?!?

The thing that drives me absolutely nuts (and please, if you can offer any answers, please do!) is that I am sensitive to people's sympathy looks and whatnot, not in the I'm gonna break down and cry, but the I know you're doing it kind of way. Yes, I get it, people don't know what to say or do, so they feel comfortable saying nothing or something absolutely brainless just to make themselves feel better, but what about how uncomfortable I feel on a daily basis?

*ACK*

I guess this is something that I will have to either deal with or use it to my own advantage.

Another thing that has been on my mind is the fact that everyone that I have met through my losses are "moving on", so to speak. People are either pregnant or adopting ~ I can't help but feel left behind in a weird way. I am left alone to wonder if that will ever be me ~ will I ever get to call a child my own and will I ever get to hear a child call my husband and I, mommy and daddy?

I am trying hard to improve my outlook on the crappy circumstances of my life so far, but I can't shake the thoughts that are creeping into my head. I just want to feel normal...or as close to normal as I can possibly ever feel. I want to be comfortable with who I now am.