Empty Evening Thoughts

1. Is it sad that I often have the thought to become either an alcoholic or drug addict? Seriously, isn't it a nice idea to "leave" this world every now and then and pretend that your life isn't so shitty??!! You know I have something with this idea ;D
2. I can't help but feel sorry about myself about...oh...say...80% of the time, so why is it that people with the same emotions that I have feel the need to help this issue further along? Seriously people, shut your think-before-you-speak mouths! OK??
3. As much as I enjoy putting all of my inner thoughts out here, do people actually enjoy reading about me constantly venting?
4. Isn't it weird when you finally get something in your head to blog about and then you sit, staring at the screen wondering why you weren't born with a better way to utilize the thoughts that are running around inside you?
5. Is it rather odd that within a year of losing Peyton that I have held a 3 month old baby and am planning a baby shower?!? To me, it is very odd: in the 2 (almsot) year gap between losing Quinn and Peyton, I had squirmed away from holding a baby and you wouldn't have even have been able to invite me to a baby shower let alone host one.
6. I can't help but fear the demise of my marriage ~ after losing Quinn, I felt so bad about myself that I wouldn't have blamed my husband if he had of left. Can you only imagine how I feel now?
7. I hate my body.
8. I wish that I could be the "perfect girl"....you know, the perfect weight, looks and life? HA! Like that even exists........god, I make myself laugh at times! Silly me!
9. Why is it that when we go through these times of not wanting to see/talk to anyone and just hole yourself up in your house, that we do this exactly? Is it really because we don't want to voice how we are feeling? Why when we are already down in the dumps, do we choose not to be around people?
10. I really need to getting into the routine of coming her more often.