Isn't it bizarre how some things in life can just wake you up one morning and slap you right in the face? I, for one, have been bitch slapped it seems, since the beginning of this year. 2008, the year that I had hoped would treat me better....... well, 2008, you can kiss my ass too!
I feel as though I'm spiralling back into that deep dark place that I was hoping to avoid; take reprieve for a few months. H-O-W-E-V-E-R, here I am clawing to stay about midway through this dark well and I don't know if I have the strength to remain where I am.
At first, I thought it was the weather, but then it hit me ~ I went through exactly the same thing after I lost Quinn. I didn't have any interest in anything, it was a chore to leave the house, I spent money like it grew on trees and most of all, I hid; hid from my family and my friends. I ended up being so down that I had to take a month and a half off of work and get on some meds to wrap my head around things and to straighten myself up.
Now, I don't plan on taking any time off now, but I am going through the same ambivelence towards life and the people in my life. I hate this ~ I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT.
I want to break free from the web that grief has trapped me into for over 2 years. I want to wake up some random morning and feel as though I'm not covered by a hovering shadow. I would like to live as normal as possible, but I know that may never happen.
I think it's time that I return to my pity party for one and continue my movie marathon.
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4 comments:
I'm sorry girl ~ is there anything that I can do to help? Chocolate & margaritas over Brad Pitt movies maybe?
Just know that I'm always thinking of you & miss you ... love you girl!!
You have been through soo much. I wish that I could say something to help...
I have suffered many miscarriages, too, and a stillborn ( I was about 26 weeks along). It was 18 years ago on the 4th of this month. I still think about him. I stillmiss him.
It will get better. I don't know how, or when, but it will.
Hugs
Just checking on you girl ~ thinking of you, missing your wit & humor, loving your heart, missing you ... worried about you.
this post speaks to me. i have also lost two little girls, one at 22 weeks and just now one at 23 weeks. emi and daniella. i will be checking in on you from time to time. i hope you will do the same with my blog too.
i feel like a dark cloud is over me now. i don't know how i will go on? you are the only person that i know that can understand. i feel so bitter.
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