It's offical ~ I am selling my maternity clothes on EBay. This is something that I have been thinking about doing for a little bit now and every single penny of what I make off of them will go towards the "New Puppy Fund"; but it hurts. It hurts A LOT. I don't know if it hurts more because the majority of them still have the tags on them or have never been worn, or if it hurts even more that I spent alot of time and money on them.
Oh, I know...it hurts that once again, it signifies my failures. My failure to bring a child into this world, kicking and screaming; not a dead one. I succeed very well at bringing those into the world. **Ok Cass...don't go down that road this early in the morning ~ you haven't even had a full cup of coffee yet!**
*SHAKES HEAD* With my pregnancy with Peyton, I felt frumpy; so I went to an actual maternity store that sold plus sizes as well. They had nice, comfy and hip jeans and shirts that I could wear and be pregnant? SWEET! Instantly, I was in love. And, almost instantly after that, I lost Peyton. So, here we are ~ me whining about having to sell these clothes. I know that some of you may be thinking "Why does she have to sell them then ~ she could quit whining!"; well, you see, I could hang on to them in hopes that I will be pregnant someday, but I know I won't. Would I love to be? ABSOLUTELY. But, the reasonable and realistic side of me knows that I never will feel the thumps and twirls of another baby inside of me. I know that I can never walk down that road again, put my heart on my sleeve and not know what will happen.
Some of you may or may not know this but, when we lost Quinn and Peyton, there were never any answers. NOTHING. So, no, there are no possibilities of me trying to bring another child into this world. That's why this hurts ~ it makes this all so final.
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