Last night I had a rush of sad memories come flooding into my head. It all started out with me thinking (more like wondering) about when my husband is going to paint this room.

Then it hit me ~ I was thinking about the day that the 2 of us and my parents went out to look at and buy a stroller. I remember being so excited about this stroller...it made it all so real! Once it was assembled, both my husband and I took turns jaunting around the house like a pair of giddy kids ourselves and imagined Quinn being in it. The stroller sat in this room for a few weeks and every time I looked at it, I was in awe.

Now, when I look at it, I am in pain. It has sat down in the basement, covered in bags (clear ones at that) terrorizing me for the past few years. When I was pregnant with Peyton, it wasn't too evil, but still painful, nonetheless. Now I want to hurt and break it; it's perfection and it's never been used state hurts.

Along with the stroller memories came another set of memories ~ packing up all of the baby stuff. I remember it clearly; me taking an Ativan just to survive this feat, but it not really taking an edge off of the anger. My dad had bought two large bins and I threw everything into it ~ the new outfits, books, stuffed toys, bath stuff, the new diaper bag that I had just bought and with it, my hopes and dreams. And there in the corner of the room, sat the stroller. I wish that I could have fit that into a bin.

When I was pregnant with Peyton, I only ever bought one thing ~ a cute onesie from Old Navy. My mom bought a matching hat. That's it. But, those 2 things now sit in the bins as well. I guess I wanted to protect myself from the anger of packing up more baby stuff.

It is all so bittersweet now; when I think back to how naive I was when I was pregnant with Quinn. Now that's the thing that I hate most with pregnant women that haven't been through a loss ~ the naivety.