Oh, that hurt!

Today in an effort to "kick grief's ass", I went through the bins ~ you know, the bins that hold all of the baby things that my daughter's should have been using by now. In other words, the bins that hold my hopes and dreams.

Let's fast forward to the point when I was angrily rummaging through things and I came across the border and the decals that I was going to use to decorate the nursery with. Care Bears. Those stupid, happy, colourful and annoying little Care Bear faces were looking at me; taunting me.

It's the Care Bears that get me ~ I spent A LOT of time and money looking for these things. And, I had to have them all shipped to my aunt's house in California because Amazon.com didn't ship to Canada. Not only does it make me incredibly sad that I never got to have the dream nursery, but I myself, adore these cute little things and now I hate them. I hate that they now represent everything that I lost and am missing.

I am sitting here typing this out in the room that should be the nursery; 3 times over to be exact. But no, there is new flooring in here (yes, another source of inner resentment) and we are soon going to be painting it something "bright and cheerful". Neutral yellow. Not the pinks and purples that are sitting in paint cans downstairs in the basement. Yellow.