*SHRUG*

(Originally posted on Thursday, September 6, 2007)
After my last blog entry last night and then reading the comments that I got, I got to thinking about a silent promise that I had made to myself after I lost Peyton. The silent promise was that I was going to "properly utilize" my anger ~ you know....the kind of anger that takes hold of you that you don't know what to do with? I had promised myself that I would end up with a pretty "mosaic" table that was produced by the tiny shards of glass that I broke from breaking plates as a result of releasing my anger. But, yes, that pretty little table is no where to be found.

*SHRUG*

I also had plans for a beautiful steel bat that a friend of mine was going to give to me and take out my anger on a certain tree in my yard. Said tree is now laying in several pieces throughout my yard....BUT, it wasn't cut into pieces at the hands of this beautiful steel bat either.

*SHRUG*

Oh...ok...I mine as well add another disappointment to my long list of short-comings ~ I had told myself and several other concerned parties that I was going to talk to someone on a professional level. And, you guessed it! I still haven't made that phone call either.
Why can't I seem to find any of these outlets for my anger? Is it because it's so far deep down inside of me? Is it that I'm afraid to unleash this scary beast?