Thursday, October 9, 2008

I am sure that I have mentioned before, I am a Facebook user. Tonight for my status, I have that I "am struggling...". I wrote that because not only was I struggling to come up with something clever as to how I was feeling, but simply because that was/is the way that I am feeling.

That was almost 3 hours ago. Just 5 minutes ago, it hit me; I'm struggling over who I am now. Am I a 30 year old who will never have children? Or am I a 30 year old who will have a child someday? I am also trying to grasp the idea of being the friend who doesn't have children while all of my friends start or have a family of their own. Not necessarily a concept that is far-fetched, but definitely not a concept that I want to deal with right now. I don't think that over time it would be hard to deal with as these people with children envy the time that I do have for myself, but will they forget the hardships that I have endured in the process?

Will these people speak of their envy and forget about my quiet pain? Will they be so selfish?

4 comments:

Brianne Hudgins Photography said...

I promise, I won't envy your time, or the ability to leave the house at a moment's notice. I know you're hurting & that it's going to hurt ... for as long as it takes. I hate that, I wish there was a way to change it ... I wish there was a way to give you the life you want.

I still vote that you are so much stronger than I am, and that one day you will make an incredible mom ~ you already are to two sweet girls.

Karin said...

Hi! I just found your blog today. I can really relate to this post, as I have the same thoughts everyday!

Anonymous said...

lol,so nice

Anonymous said...

Although from different places, but this perception is consistent, which is relatively rare point!