Hope Dangles on a String ~ Part 2 ~

As previously mentioned in the earlier post, I have a little slice of hope that has been dangled right before my eyes. I'm sure that there are a few people that may have an idea as to what this has to do with, and I'm sorry, once again, about the quiet nature of this; but I just think that if I say it "out loud" here, then I am REALLY hoping for this to be true.

It hit me tonight; the deep nagging within me that knows that this will never be true. How could it be? Nothing good ever happens and nothing easy ever happens for us either.

So, with a sigh, I bow my head and give in; give in to the negativity.

At least my answer won't be much longer. And whether it is good or bad news, I will share what it is then.

Just 'Cuz My Dogs Are SO Cute ;-)

Last month I injured myself at work; it was a stupid incident that should have never happened, but here I am and have been sitting at home for the past 3 weeks. Just within this last week, I have found myself thinking back over 2 summers ago when I was off after having Peyton. I can't help but feel odd ~ it all seems too familiar being off along the same time frame and wondering around the house looking for something to do. I know that it is 2 totally different instances, but to me and where my head is at, it feels the same. I guess being holed up in my house isn't helping these feelings either.

I just want to get back to work and start to feel *normal* like I really am not living through all of it again. No, I'm not moping around the house and crying for my lost child(ren), but I can't help but feel those flashbacks.

It's amazing what time can and cannot do to a person's behaviour.

This is something that I have been lusting after for a few years now. Finally, this year, it is mine; all mine!

Hope Dangles on a String

There has been a teeny tiny slice of hope dangled right before my eyes and my reaction is...um, apprehensive; ya, that's what I'll say. I cannot won't get into any details and I'm sorry for the mystery behind it all, but it's that tiny little ray of hope that is stopping me from divulging anything.

I am scared out of my tree in actually believing in this, but at the same time, grateful. I have to look into a few things, but once any type of concrete evidence is laid down in front of me, then, and only then will I let you in on this delicious sliver of hope.

Time Flies??!!?? NOPE!

Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary of when Peyton became an angel ~ holy sh*t! It does and it doesn't seem like all that time has passed already; but I guess the calendar doesn't lie, now does it?!

Up until a half hour ago, I was cool as a cucumber,but while I was out for a walk with the dogs, it hit me. LIKE. A. TON. OF. BRICKS. As we all know the horrible memories that replay over and over in our minds, I won't need to describe what is playing in my mind.

I really don't know how I am going to get through work tomorrow without having a minor meltdown. This is the first time between the 2 girls that I have had to work through an anniversary. I know that I will be busy enough to keep it pushed back in my head, but I know fear that that ache will be there in front. The only thought that will keep me sane is knowing that I get to come home to my hubby and cry on his shoulder.

This is one of those days where I can actually feel & hear the silence of not having any child/ren to hold tight. The old familiar heartache has once again wedged itself in my chest.

Anger has always been a distant thump away, but today it lies within my heart too ~ why? Why me? Why two precious babies?

Damn, I Feel Good!

Just because I am feeling good about myself, I am feeling the need to point out the little ticker above this! I have lost just a little over 41 pounds!! I was looking back at my last post and laughed that I had only lost a bit over 10 pounds at that point.

Although this is nowhere near not even close to the amount that I would like to lose, but I have settled on doing it in stages. I am 6 pounds shy of being the weight that I wanted to be when I went to New York and I just may do that ~ I have a week and a half left and I intend to work my butt off (no pun intended!) to get near that goal.

I just adore the feeling of fitting nicely into clothing that I had bought/ couldn't fit into. I am 2 jeans sizes smaller and my uniforms for work are also a size smaller!!

Sorry, but I just had to brag!! 8>D