I think that I may just go absolutely crazy during this pregnancy. I am waiting to go for an ultrasound on Tuesday, but I feel like I am waiting for a death sentence too. I know that if things are fine with this little one (AKA ~ Peanut, named after my fondness of peanut butter during this pregnancy), I will breathe a bit easier....until the next ultrasound.

I hate this. Absolutely hate this. I hate that pregnancy can never and will ever be a joyous time. Yes, I have my moments of *slight* optimism, but those moments rarely stick around for very long. I want to be naive and pregnant. That's what I want! To be all naive, doe-eyed, and completely blissful and I want to know and be able to say without a doubt that this little one will make it to my arms alive. It will be born screaming; not silent.

I know that it's probably awful to hear someone talk like this, but I know that I am not the only one out there that feels this way. I wish that every "milestone" of pregnancy could be a celebration, not a marker closer to the end.

So, if anyone out there has any ideas as to how I can become positive with this pregnancy, by all means, fire away! I would love nothing more then to be a glowing pregnant woman.....not a frightened woman that looks like she is on the verge of a breakdown.